Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
