Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
