After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
