Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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