Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
