where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
