why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
