Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
