Your dad touched me again.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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