You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I could fuck to npr.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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