Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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