I want you more than these girls want KFC
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
