I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize