i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize