I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize