Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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