rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
