Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sarcasm needs its own font
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
