what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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