So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
