Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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