im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
