My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize