she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
