Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
