Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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