Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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