two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
