I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
