That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
