It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
