She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
