i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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