This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
