i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize