Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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