i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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