So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
