you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
