She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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