I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
