I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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