U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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