Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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