Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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