Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
please don't ironically join a cult
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