Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
