Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
