She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize