It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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