He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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