He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Buhtt sex?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
false alarm, still single
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
