You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
