oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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