exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
