I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
