um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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