god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
