My sheets look like a crime scene.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
